It is almost surreal. I am sitting at home today and every other day for the time being. That's right. I am out of a job. I honestly never thought I would lose my job. I prided myself for being the best in my position for the past ten years. I believe I was, too. But situations change, people change, and demands change. In the end, I had to go. There are many more opinions I would like to give, but I can not mention them as of yet.
Why do I feel like this is the best thing that could have happened to me? It feels like it is not right to feel this way. I do get a few more weeks' pay, so that could have something to do with it. When I'm not getting paid, it could be a bit more desperate.
I feel this way because I tried to hold on for so long. My pride caused me to fight for every little inch, hold on to all I could, and put a death grip on all I could.
For this little lesson, I turn to Matthew 16 in the ESV: "25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?"
In my zeal to provide for my family, and in my pride to win, I held on. In every little thing, and this is where God has brought me to in the past two weeks, I have had to let go. I am not the provider for my family: God is. Deuteronomy 8:18 (NLT) says, "Remember the Lord your God. He is the one who gives you power to be successful, in order to fulfill the covenant he confirmed to your ancestors with an oath."
Where do I go from here? Who knows. There may have to be an Aurora, Illinois, or a Greenville, South Carolina in my future. I may not always want that to be the case, but I accept it. For my family and for my God, I accept it. Whatever the case, I lost my battle to hang on to my job. In losing, I have ultimately won. I could not be more relieved or excited.
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