Now that I am no longer employed officially, I stand in retrospect. I am reading and following along with a pastor from Charlotte online. While following along (and straying slightly), the Lord revealed this verse to me in my NLT Study Bible. It is 2 Samuel 14:14: "All of us must die eventually. Our lives are like water spilled out on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. But God does not just sweep life away; instead, he devises ways to bring us back when we have been separated from him."
In other words, God, you have my attention. You have had it for several weeks now. Psalm 3:3 says that you are a shield around me, and that you are my glory. and you lift up my head. I lay down my pride. I do not want to do or be apart from you. I let it all go, and I am humbled in your presence. I realized this humility yesterday, and I will walk humble before you. What you have in store for me, I am ready to experience it.
I know you are my provision, Lord. I trust you in the name of Jesus.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
How to Win While Losing
It is almost surreal. I am sitting at home today and every other day for the time being. That's right. I am out of a job. I honestly never thought I would lose my job. I prided myself for being the best in my position for the past ten years. I believe I was, too. But situations change, people change, and demands change. In the end, I had to go. There are many more opinions I would like to give, but I can not mention them as of yet.
Why do I feel like this is the best thing that could have happened to me? It feels like it is not right to feel this way. I do get a few more weeks' pay, so that could have something to do with it. When I'm not getting paid, it could be a bit more desperate.
I feel this way because I tried to hold on for so long. My pride caused me to fight for every little inch, hold on to all I could, and put a death grip on all I could.
For this little lesson, I turn to Matthew 16 in the ESV: "25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?"
In my zeal to provide for my family, and in my pride to win, I held on. In every little thing, and this is where God has brought me to in the past two weeks, I have had to let go. I am not the provider for my family: God is. Deuteronomy 8:18 (NLT) says, "Remember the Lord your God. He is the one who gives you power to be successful, in order to fulfill the covenant he confirmed to your ancestors with an oath."
Where do I go from here? Who knows. There may have to be an Aurora, Illinois, or a Greenville, South Carolina in my future. I may not always want that to be the case, but I accept it. For my family and for my God, I accept it. Whatever the case, I lost my battle to hang on to my job. In losing, I have ultimately won. I could not be more relieved or excited.
Why do I feel like this is the best thing that could have happened to me? It feels like it is not right to feel this way. I do get a few more weeks' pay, so that could have something to do with it. When I'm not getting paid, it could be a bit more desperate.
I feel this way because I tried to hold on for so long. My pride caused me to fight for every little inch, hold on to all I could, and put a death grip on all I could.
For this little lesson, I turn to Matthew 16 in the ESV: "25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?"
In my zeal to provide for my family, and in my pride to win, I held on. In every little thing, and this is where God has brought me to in the past two weeks, I have had to let go. I am not the provider for my family: God is. Deuteronomy 8:18 (NLT) says, "Remember the Lord your God. He is the one who gives you power to be successful, in order to fulfill the covenant he confirmed to your ancestors with an oath."
Where do I go from here? Who knows. There may have to be an Aurora, Illinois, or a Greenville, South Carolina in my future. I may not always want that to be the case, but I accept it. For my family and for my God, I accept it. Whatever the case, I lost my battle to hang on to my job. In losing, I have ultimately won. I could not be more relieved or excited.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Message in a Bottle
It is time to admit something about myself: I keep to myself. Many of you know this, and are not shocked by it. Some of you may be. I keep things in that bother me. This is detrimental to my marriage, in that I do not tell my wife. I should come to her with anything, because she is my help meet in life. We should share things openly, and I am not a natural sharer. This is detrimental to my health, and could be one thing, along with lactose intolerance, that affects my stomach.
Most detrimental is the fact that I keep things from my God. I can still remember the time that I recommitted my life to Christ in 1998. I remember the many times that God has spoken to me and given me comfort. I remember church services, a tent meeting at Westview Baptist in Boone, where God just reassured me. I remember being baptized in the creek at Buffalo Cove park, the feeling that the public display of faith gave me, along with the rush of that cold water.
Time passes, life builds, and those memories get suppressed. Packed on top of those are the daily pressures, threats on my job, feelings of anger, hate, and frustration. What do I do with those? I keep them in. I build, like a hot dog in the microwave. We all know what happens if a hot dog gets heated for too long in a microwave, don't we? KABOOM!
This is not how it should be. Psalm 62, verses 7-8 (NLT) say: "7 My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. 8 O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge." What good is a refuge if you don't run to it? What good is an umbrella in the rain if it is closed?
Venting to your friends is good. Like Homer Simpson's computer instructed him on the episode where he gained so much weight he wore a mu mu and worked from home: "Venting Prevents Explosion." Keeping things in the bottle for too long cause the bottle to break, the hot dog to explode, the nuclear meltdown, I could go on. There is no greater friend than Jesus, and he wants to hear from you (me). He also gave us friends to talk to on earth. We can go to these friends and tell them our fears, our dreams, and our troubles. We don't have to explode.
The most important thing is to not keep it bottled in.
Most detrimental is the fact that I keep things from my God. I can still remember the time that I recommitted my life to Christ in 1998. I remember the many times that God has spoken to me and given me comfort. I remember church services, a tent meeting at Westview Baptist in Boone, where God just reassured me. I remember being baptized in the creek at Buffalo Cove park, the feeling that the public display of faith gave me, along with the rush of that cold water.
Time passes, life builds, and those memories get suppressed. Packed on top of those are the daily pressures, threats on my job, feelings of anger, hate, and frustration. What do I do with those? I keep them in. I build, like a hot dog in the microwave. We all know what happens if a hot dog gets heated for too long in a microwave, don't we? KABOOM!
This is not how it should be. Psalm 62, verses 7-8 (NLT) say: "7 My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. 8 O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge." What good is a refuge if you don't run to it? What good is an umbrella in the rain if it is closed?
Venting to your friends is good. Like Homer Simpson's computer instructed him on the episode where he gained so much weight he wore a mu mu and worked from home: "Venting Prevents Explosion." Keeping things in the bottle for too long cause the bottle to break, the hot dog to explode, the nuclear meltdown, I could go on. There is no greater friend than Jesus, and he wants to hear from you (me). He also gave us friends to talk to on earth. We can go to these friends and tell them our fears, our dreams, and our troubles. We don't have to explode.
The most important thing is to not keep it bottled in.
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