How Can I Miss you When You Haven't Gone Away?

I am going to get in trouble here. What I SHOULD be doing is working on one of two papers, both due by Thursday morning. At the time of this writing, it is Tuesday evening. Well, like everyone says, I work best under pressure.
What is on my mind tonight is something that has been on my mind since Sunday morning, when my wife and I were listening to Beth Moore on CD on the way to church. I have realized that if you don't go with these urgings, it is hard to reclaim them once they're gone, you miss a blessing, and others that need the message placed in you suffer. So here it goes: I don't remember exactly why she was saying this, but she brought up Colossians 1:27 (NASB)- "to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." She was talking about the Holy Spirit being the Spirit of Christ, and how when we accept Christ, that Spirit instantly comes in to us. Now Pentecostals, AoG people, let's not get theological here. Let's just go on for this premise: we are filled with the Spirit of Christ.
How then do we ask where is God in a situation? How do we ask why it seems that God is not there? We say we believe in an omnipresent, omnipotent God, and say he is absent. Folks, if you are a saved, committed follower of Christ, and you don't know where He is in the situation you are facing, may I ask you to look in? Then, may I ask you to look around. Re-read Psalm 139: "Where can I go from your Spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?" (Psalm 139:7, NASB) For the follower of Christ, you that have His Spirit living in you, you bring Him with you into your situation. Do not ask where He is. Ask Him where this is taking you!
The biggest problem is that we do not talk to God enough in the everyday, and hear His voice in the mundane, to know what He sounds like in the times of urgency. When trouble comes our way, we do not know where to turn but to Him. He guides us through, we say "Whew! That was close!" Maybe we thank Him, and we go on. I'm guilty, too. I do not always recognize Him in the everyday. But we all need to know that He is there. He is with us. We do not need to ask Him where He is. We just need to recognize Him.

My One (HA!) Major Flaw

We now present some breaking news from me, because I am the only one that can report it: I am not perfect. This will come to a shock to any of you that know me, I know. I must report to any and all that read this that have once again reacted to a situation before I thought or prayed about my reaction.
The situation is this: I have a family member that is, in many ways, quite like me. This is the primary reason we have rarely ever gotten along. Part if this similarity is our passive-aggressive nature. I can and will hold things in and make flippant remarks after the fact that will cut like a knife. God has been dealing with me in this area of my like, and I like to think I have been better. Yet after this family member posted a Facebook status, I was furious. I was not directly mentioned, but I know it was all about me and my family.
So that you will not totally judge me, I did not comment to the post or post on this person's wall. I sent a private message instead. I did it impulsively, without hesitation. I reacted before I thought.
I guess I could feel good about this character flaw: it makes me more like the apostle Peter. Peter had to be rebuked by Jesus once, admonished another time, and rebutted by God the father on the mount of Transfiguration. Hey, look! I'm like Peter! That must make me a better person!
No, it just makes me flawed, imperfect, and a work in progress. Look at Peter after the denial of Christ. He became a bold preacher, the leader of the early church, the one that took the Gospel to the gentiles, and the subject of many jokes about Heaven.
This is because God worked on him throughout his life. He did not give up on Peter, has not given up on me, and the same is true for you. Likewise, we should not give up on each other. James 1:19 tells us to be a fast listener, slow to speak and to get angry. Even the deepest hurt gives us the chance to show grace to even the least deserving.
So hold on. Give it a moment before you react. When you (I) do, the grace of God shines through our life. When that happens, everyone benefits, and He gets glory.

I need to get past this point

On Wednesday of this week I experienced the most depressing time of my life. With my health insurance on the verge of expiration, I went to the county department of Social Services. I do this with a heavy heart and conscience, because I do not believe in any of this stuff. I do not believe that it is the government's place to take care of the people, it is the place of the community and the church. Yet there I sat, humbled. I do not want to come for the help. However, I do this for my children. I want them to be taken care of.
Whar was so humbling about it? Why was it so depressing? Well, we never look at ourselves as one of those people. Come on. You know what I'm talking about. You look down on them because of their clothes, their appearance, mannerisms, the way they speak, etc. Here I was in waiting rooms and in lines with them. I became one of them, and I was humbled. It did not help that the only magazines in the waiting room were travel and financial magazines- the least of anyone's concerns sitting in that office.
I have been told not to feel bad about asking for the help. I have paid taxes into that system for it to be there for me in a time of need. Perhaps I never thought I would have the need. Perhaps I am too proud to beg. Perhaps I have this deep down feeling that I do not want to be a bother to anyone. Whatever the case, there I was. I feel like I am at a new low in life.
I was actually looking for another verse, but I found Philippians 2:3 in the NLT: "Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves." It says many times that the humble shall be exalted, and the proud shall be humbled. Guess where I am right now?

How Not to Motivate the People

It has become increasingly clear to me that I am not the man I used to be. I can tell that by reviewing my blogs from the past year. I am a traditionalist that likes hymns, a person that is quiet in church, and one that is quite comfortable in my ways. Yet I am in a position of unemployment, not sure where I will work next, when I will work next, and now attending one of the fastest growing churches in America with some pretty loud music. I don't mind- the preaching is quite biblically sound.
So, with me out of my comfort zone, and without a job, what should I do? Should I worry or live my life in fear? Nope. It would be completely unproductive, and would not provide a paycheck for my family. I have thought about it. The idea has entered my head for some of the worst self-help books ever written. One would be "How to Grow Taller by Worrying," and the other would be "Living Your Life Based on What Everyone Thinks About you." Granted, these books may sell more copies than Nancy Pelosi's book did, but they would be equally worthless.
Jesus tackled worry more than once. He asked us how worrying could make us grow any taller, and reminded us how ravens eat, even though they don't do any work, and that the lilies of the field are more finely dressed than Solomon in his day.
The important thing is this: don't worry about your life. It won't help it get any better. Also, don't put any stock into what anyone thinks about you except God. Other people's opinions will only upset you. It will not affect how your family thinks of you, and will not affect who you are in Christ. So let them call you garbage, unhealthy, or whatever they want. You live your life. Trust God. Plug into His word. Then watch as your life flourishes. I'm not saying you'll get rich- I'm saying you'll be more content and enjoy what you have a little bit more.

My Week In Review

Now that I am no longer employed officially, I stand in retrospect. I am reading and following along with a pastor from Charlotte online. While following along (and straying slightly), the Lord revealed this verse to me in my NLT Study Bible. It is 2 Samuel 14:14: "All of us must die eventually. Our lives are like water spilled out on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. But God does not just sweep life away; instead, he devises ways to bring us back when we have been separated from him."
In other words, God, you have my attention. You have had it for several weeks now. Psalm 3:3 says that you are a shield around me, and that you are my glory. and you lift up my head. I lay down my pride. I do not want to do or be apart from you. I let it all go, and I am humbled in your presence. I realized this humility yesterday, and I will walk humble before you. What you have in store for me, I am ready to experience it.
I know you are my provision, Lord. I trust you in the name of Jesus.

How to Win While Losing

It is almost surreal. I am sitting at home today and every other day for the time being. That's right. I am out of a job. I honestly never thought I would lose my job. I prided myself for being the best in my position for the past ten years. I believe I was, too. But situations change, people change, and demands change. In the end, I had to go. There are many more opinions I would like to give, but I can not mention them as of yet.
Why do I feel like this is the best thing that could have happened to me? It feels like it is not right to feel this way. I do get a few more weeks' pay, so that could have something to do with it. When I'm not getting paid, it could be a bit more desperate.
I feel this way because I tried to hold on for so long. My pride caused me to fight for every little inch, hold on to all I could, and put a death grip on all I could.
For this little lesson, I turn to Matthew 16 in the ESV: "25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?"
In my zeal to provide for my family, and in my pride to win, I held on. In every little thing, and this is where God has brought me to in the past two weeks, I have had to let go. I am not the provider for my family: God is. Deuteronomy 8:18 (NLT) says, "Remember the Lord your God. He is the one who gives you power to be successful, in order to fulfill the covenant he confirmed to your ancestors with an oath."
Where do I go from here? Who knows. There may have to be an Aurora, Illinois, or a Greenville, South Carolina in my future. I may not always want that to be the case, but I accept it. For my family and for my God, I accept it. Whatever the case, I lost my battle to hang on to my job. In losing, I have ultimately won. I could not be more relieved or excited.

Message in a Bottle

It is time to admit something about myself: I keep to myself. Many of you know this, and are not shocked by it. Some of you may be. I keep things in that bother me. This is detrimental to my marriage, in that I do not tell my wife. I should come to her with anything, because she is my help meet in life. We should share things openly, and I am not a natural sharer. This is detrimental to my health, and could be one thing, along with lactose intolerance, that affects my stomach.
Most detrimental is the fact that I keep things from my God. I can still remember the time that I recommitted my life to Christ in 1998. I remember the many times that God has spoken to me and given me comfort. I remember church services, a tent meeting at Westview Baptist in Boone, where God just reassured me. I remember being baptized in the creek at Buffalo Cove park, the feeling that the public display of faith gave me, along with the rush of that cold water.
Time passes, life builds, and those memories get suppressed. Packed on top of those are the daily pressures, threats on my job, feelings of anger, hate, and frustration. What do I do with those? I keep them in. I build, like a hot dog in the microwave. We all know what happens if a hot dog gets heated for too long in a microwave, don't we? KABOOM!
This is not how it should be. Psalm 62, verses 7-8 (NLT) say: "7 My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. 8 O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge." What good is a refuge if you don't run to it? What good is an umbrella in the rain if it is closed?
Venting to your friends is good. Like Homer Simpson's computer instructed him on the episode where he gained so much weight he wore a mu mu and worked from home: "Venting Prevents Explosion." Keeping things in the bottle for too long cause the bottle to break, the hot dog to explode, the nuclear meltdown, I could go on. There is no greater friend than Jesus, and he wants to hear from you (me). He also gave us friends to talk to on earth. We can go to these friends and tell them our fears, our dreams, and our troubles. We don't have to explode.
The most important thing is to not keep it bottled in.