This may be considered a break from the normal postings you see on the Wide Scope, but there is a serious problem that I have to address. You see, there is a word that is common in the English language that receives constant abuse. It is quite common in its usage, and is a popular thing for people to talk about, especially in the summer. The saddest part of all is, most people that use the word in error have no idea they are doing it, in spite of television shows determined to help people understand the error of their ways.
What is this word that has me so riled up this hot Thursday evening?
Barbecue.
Barbecue is NOT A VERB! Barbecue is a NOUN!
More specifically, barbecue is a noun describing a type of food. Barbecue does NOT EVER refer to a piece of equipment used for preparing meat or vegetable products.
In its truest form, barbecue refers to pork shoulder, beef brisket, ribs, and occasionally chicken smoked for hours at a time. Since I am in western North Carolina, barbecue refers to pork with a lovely ketchup based sauce. Eastern NC, it's vinegar based, and that does have its place. In South Carolina, it's mustard-based, and that does have a special place in my heart - - er, stomach.
Barbecue is not something you do, nor is it a piece of equipment. The word you are looking for in that instance is the word GRILL. You GRILL hamburgers and hot dogs. You place the vegetable skewers on the GRILL. Another word you may be looking for is COOKOUT. In other words, you do not have A barbecue. You have BARBECUE.
Also, barbecue can be considered an adjective, when used to describe certain styles of sauce or meat that has been smoked when describing the animal that was smoked, but that is the only exception I will make to this rule.
The most common offenders to this are yankees, northerners, and people in the west coast. I pray God forgive them for the folly of speaking in this fashion.
I thank you for your indulgence in this blog. I hope you had fun. Now, join me in celebrating the truth by having some wonderful barbecue!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
A letter to my hometown
(I would have posted this in the local paper, but I believe more people read my blog. Also, you can't view their page online without subscribing.)
Dear Lenoir,
I did not want this day to come, but we need to separate. Please do not take this personally. I have a lot of love and affection for you. It's not like I won't ever see you again, but let's be honest: I have needs that you simply cannot provide for me. For example, I haven't received a paycheck from you since 1998. I've had to go to everyone around you- Blowing Rock, Morganton, Hickory, and now Wilkesboro- because you just haven't given me what I need in that area. The family and I have to get away.
It's going to be good for us. Levi will start going to school in Wilkesboro, where they have a great Christian school. Things are improving for me at work, but we need to step away from you to improve things a little bit more. It's caused a stressful period for us, but it will improve us for the better, and greatly help the rest of the family as well.
As I get out of town, I wanted to pass a little advice for you. Support your businesses. By businesses, I mean more than Walmart. Magic Mart will do you well if you realize it's not Walmart, it has good stuff, and can save you a trip to Hickory. For goodness sakes, enjoy the new Krispy Kreme. Keep that Mayflower seafood restaurant open, if you can. Also- if the rumors of a Chick-fil-a coming are true, by God, make the most of it. You know I will come visit.
Encourage some entrepreneurs that may be lurking in your limits. I realize you have needs, and I would love to be able to help you out, but I just don't have the ability. I do know what I would love to see: That sight that I saw this Monday- the mall parking lot completely full of cars? I remember that sight when I was a boy. It was nice to see it again, but now it only has two stores! I would love to see either those stores get some neighbors or them in another location. I'd also like to see you get another theater. Two cinemas are not enough for a city of your size.
I want you to preserve the great things of the past. I know there are plans for the Harper School to restore the Lenoir High School Band building, and I can't wait to see that restored to its former glory. (But at the same time could you get rid of some of those eyesores? The factories that are run down, the buildings that should be condemned, etc.)
We've had good times, and bad times. I've had some embarrassing times there. We've lost friends within your borders, and said hello and goodbye to a great many people. You are forever a part of my life.
You see, I want good things for you. And it's not like I won't be back- we still have family and friends in town. You know I will have to come to some Hibriten football games, especially for homecoming and band alumni night. But we need to get away from each other. I still love you, and I hope you know that. When I hear Montgomery Gentry's "Our Town," I think of you. Consider it our song. But things can never be like they were, and it's time to say goodbye.
Yours,
Jonathan
Dear Lenoir,
I did not want this day to come, but we need to separate. Please do not take this personally. I have a lot of love and affection for you. It's not like I won't ever see you again, but let's be honest: I have needs that you simply cannot provide for me. For example, I haven't received a paycheck from you since 1998. I've had to go to everyone around you- Blowing Rock, Morganton, Hickory, and now Wilkesboro- because you just haven't given me what I need in that area. The family and I have to get away.
It's going to be good for us. Levi will start going to school in Wilkesboro, where they have a great Christian school. Things are improving for me at work, but we need to step away from you to improve things a little bit more. It's caused a stressful period for us, but it will improve us for the better, and greatly help the rest of the family as well.
As I get out of town, I wanted to pass a little advice for you. Support your businesses. By businesses, I mean more than Walmart. Magic Mart will do you well if you realize it's not Walmart, it has good stuff, and can save you a trip to Hickory. For goodness sakes, enjoy the new Krispy Kreme. Keep that Mayflower seafood restaurant open, if you can. Also- if the rumors of a Chick-fil-a coming are true, by God, make the most of it. You know I will come visit.
Encourage some entrepreneurs that may be lurking in your limits. I realize you have needs, and I would love to be able to help you out, but I just don't have the ability. I do know what I would love to see: That sight that I saw this Monday- the mall parking lot completely full of cars? I remember that sight when I was a boy. It was nice to see it again, but now it only has two stores! I would love to see either those stores get some neighbors or them in another location. I'd also like to see you get another theater. Two cinemas are not enough for a city of your size.
I want you to preserve the great things of the past. I know there are plans for the Harper School to restore the Lenoir High School Band building, and I can't wait to see that restored to its former glory. (But at the same time could you get rid of some of those eyesores? The factories that are run down, the buildings that should be condemned, etc.)
We've had good times, and bad times. I've had some embarrassing times there. We've lost friends within your borders, and said hello and goodbye to a great many people. You are forever a part of my life.
You see, I want good things for you. And it's not like I won't be back- we still have family and friends in town. You know I will have to come to some Hibriten football games, especially for homecoming and band alumni night. But we need to get away from each other. I still love you, and I hope you know that. When I hear Montgomery Gentry's "Our Town," I think of you. Consider it our song. But things can never be like they were, and it's time to say goodbye.
Yours,
Jonathan
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